Boxer
by unwashedwonder
Summary: somewhat serious smosh fanfiction about boxing. more will go here soon. iancorn. jovanthony. marhinki. the usual.
1. Fake Empire

**hush hush yes i based their announcing skills and actual announcements off the two smosh babies episodes they were in with slight tweaks to fit boxing instead of big wheel racing and beating up a teddy bear**

**ps the whole fascination thing got its inspiration from cecil and carlos from welcome to night vale**

**pps the line breaks don't mean a new perspective like they usually do. it's all one person's perspective.**

* * *

Fake Empire

He was fascinated by the man. He watched him constantly, barely commenting on anyone else's technique. His world revolved around the man. The way he swung punches, the way he dodged others, the way he moved, everything he did drew him in.

He hated to admit how far in he was, but he was head over heels in fascination. Everything he did, he did for him. His nickname, his voice, his persona...all for him. He was nothing if not for his object of fascination, the wearer of the green gloves.

He became famous after calling the moves on his local radio station. At first he got complaints for not playing music, but after a few weeks, everyone loved it. He got offered a job as a commentator at the actual ring.

David Moss was nothing without Ian Hecox.

* * *

Life was a bit slow in the little town of Sagamore Hills, Ohio, and David definitely wasn't getting any younger. He wanted to do big things and go big places. He loved both his jobs, and he was okay with his new part time job. David was still playing music and going over the highlights of the match on the radio station every night at ten, but recently, he had been getting a lot more calls, so he answered them as well.

He also had a job commentating at the local boxing ring, which was his dream come true. Ever since he almost got fired after reporting the first match, he'd wanted to do it in the big leagues. Luckily, he and Ian seemed to be a package deal, even though he had never spoken to him once, and as soon as Ian was signed to fight at the ring, David was signed to be a commentator. He was up late every night, doing everything he could for Ian. At least once a week, he'd take his portable recording devices with him and walk down the streets of the town in the dark, talking to the people listening about how soothing it was to him to explain what he saw in the park that night, or how he would never set foot on the playground because the last time he was there, he was beat up by this older kid who made him piss himself when he was ten. Everything he said, he said in hope that Ian was listening and would contact him.

He had recently begun working at the gym the ring sponsored. Most of the fighters worked out and trained there. He didn't want a serious job there because he was admittedly not very strong, nor was he in any shape to be fighting, so he was just the receptionist. He sat behind a desk and did whatever the hell he wanted until someone had to sign in. He did this on the weekends only, but he liked it.

His world was going just fine. The only problem was that it was fake. He was fake. No one knew him by David Moss except his family, Matt, and Josh. Everyone else just referred to him as Lasercorn. He wasn't worried about his identity being broadcasted publicly. He didn't really care if everyone knew his real name. He didn't try to hide it from anyone, but he wasn't shoving it in their faces. He wasn't always as obnoxious as he seemed when he was under the Lasercorn persona, and he definitely wasn't as loud.

David was satisfied with his life, but something inside him urged him to get out of his fake little world he created for himself and be real.

* * *

"Hey, Lasercorn, are you sure you want to work tonight?"

"I'm fine, trust me."

"You sound pretty sick." Josh looked over at David.

"Yeah, I know." David shook his head, "I am sick. Or, I was. My voice is still a little hoarse, but I think I can pull it off."

"Maybe you shouldn't-"

"No!" David frowned, "I'm commentating."

"Fine, but don't use the voice. Just speak regularly."

"I'm staying. I have to. Hecox is here. He's counting on me."

"He doesn't even know you."

"He tweets his thanks to me after every match."

"How do you know it's him?"

"I've seen him do it."

Josh sighed, "You're hopeless. We've got to find you someone. Date Matt."

"What?" David blinked, "No way. That would be some killer sex, but Matt's straight."

"And you're not?"

David's face fell, "Really?"

"What?"

"Did I not just get dumped by the screen editor for the ref?"

"Wes dumped you for Flitz?" Josh frowned, "Hold up - you dated Wes?"

"Keep it down." David lowered his voice, "But yeah, I did date him. For a few months, too."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He hissed, "We could've blown off steam with each other."

"I'm sorry." David shrugged, "You're not even my type."

"I'm not?" Josh frowned, "I'm not interested in you, but what is your type, out of curiosity?"

David shook his head, avoiding Josh's question, "No. When is Matt going to be here?"

"He's running a little late. Who's up first?"

"The Asian Fury." David shrugged, calling her by the name the three of them used to refer to her, though no one else used it.

"More like Asian Fuhrer." Josh rolled his eyes, "God, she's awful to us, haven't you noticed?"

"That's no reason to call her Hitler's nickname. Good thing Matt's not here. He'd kill you over that. And not just because he's Jewish." David shook his head, "And people say that you're the mature one. But yes, I have noticed. She's not a fan of bad commentary. Matt praises her, you're always pointing out her flaws, and I'm just calling it as it is."

"No, you're saying how much you want Ian to start fighting." Josh looked at David, "And when you're not doing that, you're joking about balls."

"Shut up."

"Wow, Lasercorn, something got up your ass and died."

"That's not even a thing people say!" David groaned pushing his office chair across the room into his seat on his far right side.

Josh sat down in the middle, and whenever Matt got there, he'd sit on the other side of Josh. David found it a little stupid that they had a big 'ANNOUNCERS' sign across the desk, but he didn't really mind it too much.

Of course, they all went by different names, and they all had different styles.

In all honesty, Joshua Ovenshire was the one who called it as it was and had the get Matt and David to calm down. He went by Jovenshire, sometimes shortened to Joven, and affectionately, Jovie. He was a great guy who never judged anyone, and he was honestly David's best friend. He offered David a place to stay, and David took it. He didn't mind being alone, but he wanted to stay with someone he could trust. Josh didn't seem to be an amateur. He always acted professional about everything, whether it was reporting the match or helping David shop for groceries. He kept the house very clean and would sigh and complain when David put his feet up on the table and ate chips, something he did quite often, because it was "messy and look at all the dirt you tracked in here that's on our table now, David, we eat there you asshole." Honestly, Josh was really one of the greatest guys David had ever met.

Matt Sohinki just went by his last name because, before David, the other announcer was also named Matt. His style was...well, whatever he wanted to say, really. David had heard several rumors about him smoking weed, and he assumed that caused him to say a few things he probably shouldn't say, but the fans loved it. His comments were literally whack. Rarely did he ever say something reasonable, but it was awesome. David loved it. In fact, they all loved it, but Josh would always act like he was tired of it. Matt had moved in from Texas after college, and he had lived with Wes, who was David's ex-boyfriend. David had become closer to Matt during his time dating Wes. While no one knew exactly where Matt's insane comments came from, everyone assumed it was the weed he apparently smoked, though there was no concrete proof of that.

David Moss was fascinated with Ian Hecox, and his whole announcing style was Ian. Everything Ian did, David reported. He knew every move and could predict it before Ian performed it with stunning accuracy from the both of them. He didn't feel anything towards him other than a strong, sports based fascination because, after all, he barely knew the guy. He had never actually talked to him before and Ian, like most people, referred to David and Lasecorn, which was a bit of a stage name. David's family wasn't a huge fan of boxing, so when he got a job on the radio station, he used a deeper voice to speak and went by Lasercorn. Joven always compared it to how Bruce Wayne used a different voice. It was a bit silly, but that was his intention. Now that he was actually reporting the match for a living, he wanted to use his real voice, but when he did the first match, people complained. They wanted the Lasercorn voice. David had started off by calling it Riot Shield Man, which was a joke between the way he and Matt played video games together, but it ended up just being called Lasercorn due to his nickname.

"You ready?" Matt appeared in the doorway before sitting down, "Mari's up first."

"Who's she fighting?" Josh asked.

"Does it matter?" Matt grinned, "She's going to win anyway."

"It still matters." David sighed, swirling the wooden stiller in his coffee around, bored, "We have to announce their names."

"God, Moss, at least look a little interested in the women." Josh grinned, pushing him gently.

David shrugged at sat up straight, "Sorry. I'll act halfway decent."

"You'll act fully decent, and you'll make Mari sound awesome, understand?" Matt shot them both looks.

"Why?"

Josh smirked, "Looks like David's not the only one with a little crush on a certain boxer."

"I don't have a crush on anyone." David rolled his eyes and pushed Josh away.

"I'll admit it." Matt shrugged, "Mari's pretty great, and I'd like to-"

"Don't say it."

"I was going to say take her out to dinner your perv." Matt smacked the back of Josh's head with the program.

"You guys ready?" Wes popped his head in the door.

David nodded and gave him a thumbs up, "We're ready."

"Awesome. By the way, loving the new show concept, Lasercorn."

"The what?" David frowned.

Wes was gone before he could answer.

David shook his head and turned back to face the ring, "We're on in a few seconds."

They each put their headphones on. Matt and David, because they got the most excited, causing them to move around, had wireless headphones with microphones attached, while Josh stayed traditional with the mic in front of him on the table. The signal was given and they began.

* * *

"Hey there, boxing fans!" Josh grinned, "Excited to have you all with us today."

"That's right, Jovenshire. It's a perfect day for a boxing match, not that it matters; we're inside anyway. The sun is out, the stadium is crowded, someone is going to lose blood, and these babies are ready to rock and roll." David nodded, smiling up at himself on the big screen above the ring.

"Does anyone know why they call it a ring?" Matt leaned forward against the table, earning him a glare with Josh, "I mean come on, it's not exactly a ring, right? Maybe call it the square?"

"Shut the fuck up, Sohinki, and let's get down to our boxers." Joven smiled, "That sounded so wrong."

A camera shot of behind the scenes action was playing on the big screen above the ring. On the side of the ring, Ian was standing by Mari's corner. She didn't have a coach, but she was technically his. However, she was not allowed by his side during the match.

"And remember-" Flitz stood in the middle of the ring, "-winner moves on to the finals."

David froze, not remembering that part. Would Ian have to box without him? More importantly, would he miss one of Ian's boxing matches? Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't noticed that the match started and missed the first few moves until Josh began speaking.

"Classic move. She's such an asshole but looks so cool when she does it." Josh leaned forward for a better view.

"Looks like the Asian Fury is feeling a little dizzy. Rookie mistake. She should've shot her in the balls when she had the chance." David got close up in Josh's face.

"Anyone else ever just...poop in the sandbox?" Matt stared ahead, "It's so freeing man, it's like you're back in the womb."

David and Josh blinked, "What the hell?"

"Looks like the Asian Fury is really getting the hang of it." Josh said.

David looked over at him and smiled, "She might have a shot to win this thing!"

Mari won the round and flames shot out pipes connected to the bottom of the big screen.

"I always liked it when stuff catches on fire like that. It reminds me of the time I lived inside the sun." Matt grinned lazily at everyone.

Josh gave him a weird look, "You, my friend, are a straight up shit show."

"Thanks man." Matt looked at him lovingly.

"I don't mean that as a compliment." Josh shook his head, backing away.

"They're neck in neck!" David stood, throwing his arms up, "And by that I mean they've got each other almost all worn out."

"It's gonna be really close!" Josh smiled, leaning in.

They watched the final few blows delivered by none other than their precious Asian Fury.

"Mari wins!" Josh placed his hands on the table and stood up.

* * *

"And now for the men." David rubbed his hands together, "I'm going to need another coffee. Oh! Surprise surprise. Mari has joined us in the commentators section, and she looks surprisingly domestic in regular people clothes."

Matt took his headphones off to share a mic with Mari. David was left with his personal headphones, which were also the ones he used for his other job.

"Hello there, fight fans, and welcome to the battle of the century." Josh began, "Ian Hecox, and...that other guy."

"This is shaping up to be a real ball buster of a match." David grinned, earning him several laughs from the crowd, "I have no idea how this stupid loser is going to best the badass green gloved boxer."

He never understood why, but the fans always seemed to love his ball jokes. You beg and plead one man to punch the other guy in the balls, and all of a sudden...everyone loves you. Whatever part of his career he didn't owe to Ian, David owed to ball jokes.

"How did he make his own green gloves?" Matt frowned, "That's a pretty complex operation that requires a lot of expertise. No offense, but he doesn't look that smart."

"You shut your damn mouth, Sohinki!" David reached across the way at Matt.

"Hey!" Josh pushed them apart, "Lasercorn, chill the fuck out. We get that Ian is your guy to bet on, but no need to freak out...Mari?" He looked at her hopefully.

"How the fuck should I know?" Mari looked bored out of her mind.

"Wait wait wait." Josh frowned, "I thought all Asians knew everything about everything."

"And I thought all nerds knew everything about getting the shit kicked out of them." Mari glared at him, grabbing David's now empty coffee cup and holding it firmly, nearly crushing it.

David leaned back, as far away from her as he could, and he saw Matt and Josh were doing the same as she drank the remains of his coffee.

"She's so hot." Matt blurted, "And mean. And Asian." He winked at Josh.

Round one was an easy win for Ian.

"Epic fail for that other guy who's name doesn't need to be mentioned because he insulted Hecox before the match!" David yelled, "I keep telling you guys, always go for the balls."

"Ian doesn't have balls, dumbass!" Mari leaned across the table, "He's just got skill."

"He might." Matt said, and David knew something bad was coming, "Maybe they're just hidden up there somewhere near his beautifully special heart."

"Says the man who called him stupid." David rolled his eyes as round two started.

"Now, Ian seems to be setting up a straight." Josh spoke carefully.

"Wrong!" David grinned, "He's using a jab and grab. This could be a very effective method. I can't wait to see him use the pull counter. That thing is fucking awesome."

Mari rolled her eyes, "Uh, or fucking stupid."

Another easy win.

"Who's fucking stupid now?" David laughed, "Not this guy, or Ian."

"Did I ever tell you guys about the time I turned myself into a toy piano for two weeks?" Matt spread his arms out across the table.

"What the fuck is wrong with this guy?" Mari pointed to him.

"Now, Ian's called in some weird French guy." Josh looked at David.

"He looks like he means business." David nodded.

"He's bringing him water, dumbass. Don't you even know anything about boxing?" Mari shook her head.

"I really like his mustache." Matt grinned.

"Me too." Mari nodded, shrugging.

"Me too!" Matt spread his arms out and rested his head on the table again.

"Guys, can we focus please?" Josh sighed, and David could tell his temper was rising.

Ian, of course, was winning. He wasn't like Mari, who acted girly outside the boxing ring and weak at first, then came up strong in the end to destroy her opponent. He was badass from start to finish.

"So there you have it everyone. As always, Ian wins out in the end." Josh smiled.

"And always say no to drugs, and yes...to balls." David kicked his feet up on the table and put his hands behind his head.

"Is that really the message here? I thought it was: fighting Ian is bad for you, and violence is fucking awesome."

"How the fuck does that even make sense?" Mari rolled her eyes.

Josh sighed, "Just let him have his thing so we can all go home."

"Ugh, fine." Mari shook her head.

"I don't want to go home after this." Matt looked at Mari, "I want to go to dinner with you."

"Is he being serious?" Mari looked over at David.

David shrugged, "How should I know? I guess he might be. Just go with him."

"Let's all go out to dinner." Josh smiled, "With Ian too, if he wants."

"I'd love to, but I've gotta run. I'm on in like..." David frowned, checking hisphone for the time, "twenty minutes."

"Alright, well, maybe another week we can all go hang out." Josh shrugged.

"Joven, I'm on every night at ten." David shook his head, "I can't exactly hang out."

As he was leaving, he was stopped by someone.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey, Mari." David put his jacket on.

"I was wondering if I could join you on your show tonight?"

"What for?" David adjusted the collar of his jacket, "And yeah, sure, come on."

He set his hand on the middle of her back gently and guided her out the door and to his car. When he set foot outside the back entrance, there were several dozen fans and over a hundred camera flashes every second, each light threatening to blind them.

"Can I ask you a few questions?"

Anthony Padilla pushed his glasses up his face and held his recorder out in front of him. David wasn't sure how he managed to have a pen behind his ear with glasses on, because Josh could never do it. Anthony was always dressed to impress with his button ups and jackets and fancy tight jeans that David wanted to rip off and then proceed to buy him new ones that fit better, possibly after pounding him into a mattress.

"Sure." David huffed.

Anthony wasn't David's favorite person, but he was best friends with Ian, so he put up with him. Of course, that contradicts his previous thoughts about pounding Anthony into a mattress. Sure, David didn't love Anthony, he barely even considered him a friend, but he could appreciate when someone had a nice body. The only thing stopping him was that Anthony was straight. Metrosexual, sure, but straight.

"What's your thing with balls all about?" Anthony grinned.

"Uh..." David stopped and thought for a second, "Well, I don't know how it started, but it's all a joke. It's not a fear or hatred - that would be odd considering I have a pair. I guess it started with Ian's first boxing match, when I said that my boss would have my balls for leaving the studio to report the match. Plus, Ian's first punch was to the guy's balls since you can do that in street fighting, so I made a joke about it, and I kept screaming for him to do it again."

"Are you in a romantic relationship with Mrs. Takahashi?" Anthony asked, gesturing to David's hand, which was still on her back.

He dropped his arm.

Mari snorted, "Yeah right."

"So that's a no?" Anthony grinned.

"Absolutely." David nodded, "We're not dating. We're not even that close. She just asked if she could come explore the studio, so I'm letting her. Now, if you'll excuse me, we have to go or I'll be late."

* * *

"I really like it in here." Mari ran her hand across the seat.

David smiled, "Good, I'm glad. Hang on. Be silent for just a few minutes while I-"

He pressed the button and sat back.

"Hello people of our little town of Sagamore Hills, this is Lasercorn speaking, as I do every night at ten. If you have any calls, make sure they aren't talking bad about Mari, because she's in the studio with me today." He grinned, swaying his chair side to side, "I don't know, maybe if you guys are nice, she'll answer a few calls. It was a great match out there tonight! Mari kicked ass as usual, and Ian, well, did what he always does: captivate us all. Anyway, here's Wonderwall."

He proceeded to play the song as he did every time he started his segment.

That was David's personal favorite memory of college. There was this one guy at every party who 'played guitar' and asked for requests. Drunk college kids would generally fight over what song he'd play, and he always said "Anyway here's Wonderwall." And then played Oasis's most popular - and obnoxious - song. The one time the guy didn't play Wonderwall, he played Creep by Radiohead, which cracked David up. Both were the most well known songs by each band, and if one was a true fan of the band, they hated those songs. While he could tolerate (What's the Story) Morning Glory?, David was not a huge fan of Pablo Honey. Hell, barely any fans if the band liked that album. It paled in comparison to the others. Rarely did he ever play songs off that album.

"Now you can talk." David turned to Mari.

"You really like Ian, huh?"

He shrugged, "He's fascinating to watch, plus, he's carried me all this way here."

* * *

David hated admitting it, but he was nothing without Ian Hecox.


	2. Mistaken for Strangers

**wow, so this is almost a month after i posted the first one. which is weird considered i literally finished High and Dry in under a month. huh. weird. anyway, the chapters of the story are significantly longer than the others because there are less chapters. i'm sorry for the update on Moving Up Living Down. i got a few complaints about that on the various social networks and from my friends. oops.**

* * *

Mistaken for Strangers

"Name."

"Oh come on, don't act like you don't know who I am."

David looked up and his heart almost stopped, but he tried to remain calm, "I never said I didn't know who you were."

"Well, you asked me my name."

"That doesn't mean I don't-"

"Look buddy." He got close to David's face, "Let me the fuck in the gym or I'll hurt you."

"Hey, calm down, Hecox." David held his hands up, his heart still pounding from being so close to his object of fascination, "Just sign in like you usually would, okay? I'm new to this job."

"Why are you even working here if you have to ask me my name?" David watched as Ian Hecox pulled his infamous green boxing gloves out of his bag.

He almost let out an excited squeal as he saw the gloves up close. It was always his dream to see the gloves up close and in person, and now, he finally could. This was a scene from many of his fantasies, and it was finally becoming a reality. He could hardly believe it as he attempted to keep himself from squirming around in his seat, trying to play it off as casually as he possibly could. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. He closed his eyes for a second, but forced them back up to stare at the gloves once more. He really wanted to ask Ian if he could try them on, but he figured that would be a mistake.

David regained his composure and shrugged casually, "I needed money."

"You needed the money? So you came to a place you know squat shit about? I don't think you know what you've gotten yourself into."

"Now it's my turn to be surprised." David leaned back and kicked his feet up on the desk, not sure where this new confidence came from, but it was giving him a mental high, "You don't know who I am, do you?"

Ian frowned, "Uh…."

"Oh, how the tables have turned." David put his hands behind his head.

He was screaming inside, trying to tell himself to be nicer to Ian. He wasn't sure why he decided to come off as this confident, cocky guy, and he didn't want Ian to view him this way all the time. This wasn't his usual attitude.

"Then tell me who you are." Ian's eyes narrowed and he studied David for a moment, and it looked like something clicked.

David wondered if Ian actually knew. He knew that Ian knew about Lasercorn, but he realized that Ian had probably never heard his real name. This, of course, made him smile.

"Around here, in boxing territory, people call me Lasercorn."

Ian's jaw dropped, "You? The announcer? That explains why you're sitting in that position."

David grinned, "That's me. I mean really, have you never seen me before?"

"Holy shit." Ian stepped back, "For real? And shut the fuck up, man. I don't really see anything except my opponent when I'm in the ring. I don't focus on you, I just hear what you have to say after the match. I've seen you from a distance, but never up close."

"Would I lie to you?"

"I don't know." Ian looked at him curiously, "I always pictured him a bit….stronger, taller, more….manly."

"Thanks." David rolled his eyes, looking down at his papers, "Your trainer is out today."

"I don't have a trainer. I thought you were like my super fan boy. Shouldn't you know I don't have one?"

"I meant the man who's helping you work out today." David frowned, "I don't know what you would technically call him. Helper? The guy who you beat up?"

"Hold the hand things."

"The hand things?" David sat up straight, "Did you just call them 'the hand things?'"

Ian frowned, "Just shut up. You know what I mean."

"These?" David held up the gloves with padding in them, "The hand things? The hand punching bags? The hand hitting pads? The-"

"Stop making fun of me or I'll use your face as a punching bag." Ian snapped, pulling his hood up and heading to the ring.

David followed close behind him, and may or may not have been checking him out as indiscreetly as possible, "Look, Ian, I-"

"Shut up and hold the gloves up."

David sighed and unbuttoned his shirt so he was left in his undershirt. He had liked that shirt, and wasn't ready for it to be ripped. He sighed and watched Ian stretch.

"I can go get you a water bottle if you want it."

"Shut up and let me punch you." Ian spat on the ground, putting his green boxing gloves on.

"Hey man, I have to clean that-"

Ian swung a punch towards his face, and David held the pad up to block him. He grinned. He knew all of Ian's moves by heart. He could tell that Ian was trying to actually hit him, but David was amazed at how well he seemed to know Ian's every decision before he made it. He wondered if he could do the same in bed, and that's when Ian ended up actually punching him with a strong uppercut.

"Shake it off." Ian muttered.

David's hand shot up to his jaw, dropping the practice pads to cradle it, "Fuck. That really hurt."

"I thought you knew my every move. I got really worked up about it and wanted to prove you wrong." Ian shrugged, "Come on, shake it off."

"Stop telling me to 'shake it off,' Ian. I'm radio host, not the Incredible Hulk. I can't just shake off a boxer's punch to my jaw bone." David scowled.

"Shake it off, Lasercorn." Ian clenched his jaw, and David knew he meant business.

"I have a real name."

"Do I look like I'm in the mood for introductions?" Ian frowned, "Look, man, I'm in the zone, and you're killing me here."

"I just don't want to shake it off, that's all."

"Just fight me like a man." Ian picked the practice pad up easily even though he was wearing boxing gloves.

David was torn. He had no idea that Ian would be acting like this. On one hand, he loved everything Ian did and thought he was perfect, but now, part of him was beginning to doubt that. He didn't want to doubt it. He wanted every bone in his body to believe that Ian was the greatest thing on the planet.

By the time he picked the pads back up and Ian had worn them both out with punches, he was back to his usual self, thinking that Ian was perfect. Ian managed to knock him to the ground, and he was staring up into Ian's eyes. It was probably the most romantic moment in David's life, and that was saying something considering Ian wouldn't have cared if David had died on his tumble to the ground. Even more so than any moments with his ex girlfriend, who had been dating him for a long time. He couldn't believe what he was doing.

He was staring straight at the eyes of the man he practically worshipped. His listeners would be hearing about this for sure. He got lost in his eyes. They were such a crystal blue color, and he couldn't tear himself away. He just kept staring at him until Ian groaned and pushed himself off David, standing up.

To his surprise, Ian offered him a hand. David grabbed it and stood up. He didn't want to let go. He had done it. He had touched Ian Hecox. They had touched hands. They practically held hands, and it made David extremely excited. He really hoped it didn't show.

* * *

"He punched me!" David cried into his headset, "He punched me right in the jaw! It was an uppercut, too. I'm still sore. I'm thankful I didn't shave because it covers up any type of bruise. You can't really see it, but if I shaved, you could. I probably won't shave until it's gone, though. I don't know if I want anyone else seeing it, you know?" He tossed a crumpled up ball of paper around in his hands, "It was so awesome though. He punched me!"

He played another song and read some of the live feedback from the fans. He was honestly surprised at how many people listened to his show, and how many people listened to his show from outside the state, let alone his city.

"A lot of you are tweeting about wanting the whole story." David sighed, "I'll tell you. I work at this gym down the street during the weekends for a little extra pay. Apparently Ian switched gyms without me knowing because he showed up and demanded to be let in. He was upset because he thought that I had no idea who he was because I asked him his name, but I didn't see who walked in when I asked for a name. Then, he got all defensive and 'well what do you know about boxing' and I told him who I was and we talked about it and let me tell you, he's better looking in real life. I'd like to see him dressed up in normal, non boxing clothes sometime."

He played another song and got a call from a number that made his heart stop, "Hello?"

"I hear you've got the scoop on what happened at the gym today."

"I do, yeah."

"Do you think I could tell my side of the story?" Ian's voice was loud and clear through the phone.

"I only have a few more minutes, but sure. Knock yourself out. Not literally, since I know that has a different meaning to you."

"What did you say your name was?"

"David Moss." He bit his lip, "Why?"

"You go by Lasercorn, correct?"

"Correct."

"Then you should know exactly what happened at the gym today. Why are you feeding them lies?"

"I'm not-What are you talking about?" David frowned, "I'm telling them exactly how it was, Ian."

"Are you sure?" Ian's voice a bit flirtatious to David.

"Uhh…." David blinked, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure of it."

"I don't think you told them about how you teased me for fumbling over my words, or how you denied getting back up to fight me again."

"You punched me in the face!" David cried, "You can't just expect me to get right back up after that! I'm not magic."

"True, but still, Davey - can I call you that-"

"No."

"Thanks. Davey, you were fucking teasing me out there."

"I was not." David sighed, "I was simply making a joke, that's all."

"Whatever, Davey-"

"I said you can't-" He groaned, "I don't….No one calls me that."

"Well, now I do."

David's stomach flopped. As much as Ian was being a jerk to him right now, he was also making David melt because he was talking to him. He was acting all flirty and now he had a nickname for him. David didn't know what to think about all this, and he could barely take it in. It came as a shock to him that someone he loved and respected as much as Ian could actually acknowledge his existence enough to call on his show.

* * *

David spent the next few days at home, not doing much. A few times, Josh had some friends over, and Wes came over once or twice. David just sat at the kitchen table with his coffee, which had almost always gotten cold by the time he went to drink it, thinking about everything in his life. He was practically obsessed with Ian, yet now that he had met him as a person, part of him was holding away from that, yet it only made him more interested. He just wanted to know more.

He was disappointed to hear that their town didn't have enough fame to boost them into the boxing 'championship' in LA, so no one advanced, even though both Mari and Ian won. David got bored quick without the matches being played. He sat, pretty lonely, for days.

Soon, days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and David spent all his time when he was at home sitting there at the kitchen table, sipping his coffee quietly and staring at the wall. It was no one's fault. Ian didn't drive him into sadness. It wasn't the fact that they didn't make it to LA. In all honesty, David wasn't sure why he just sat there. He didn't mind it. Josh tried to snap him out of it, claiming that he was worried David was depressed; that he looked far away and removed. David waved him away.

He wasn't depressed; he just didn't feel like doing anything. In his mind, he was fine. He didn't care that he sat still for hours a day with a drink that made him want to jump around and bounce of the walls. He liked the silence. It was soothing.

Josh told him that he wasn't acting himself, and that he had begun to physically look hollow and empty. His eyes were glazed under. He could 'barely recognize him anymore.' He was worried that it was Ian causing all this, but David assured him it wasn't. It wasn't. Ian had nothing to do with it. In fact, David was only doing this for one thing only.

David thought.

He thought a lot.

With all his free time, he thought. He thought about anything and everything he could. He realized that being an adult was tougher than he thought. He didn't need Josh to check on him. He didn't want anyone watching over him, and he knew no one wanted to watch over him in the first place. He looked out the window occasionally, seeing things that made him think of more things.

"Hey man, how's the new show coming along?" Wes plopped down across from him.

David jumped, nearly spilling his coffee, "When did you get here?"

"Like….ten minutes ago." Wes frowned, "You've been staring at the wall ever since then, and you were in the same spot yesterday morning, and the morning before that. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." David nodded, taking a sip of cold coffee, "I'm just thinking."

"You've been thinking for an awfully long time."

He shrugged, "I've needed it."

"I noticed you've stopped talking about Ian as much."

David shrugged again, "I don't know. I met him in person a few months ago."

"He's rough the first day, but if you talk to him again, he'll be nice." Wes smiled, "I'll invite him over. It's clear you're into him, and I'll try to make it happen."

"Wait wait wait…." David closed his eyes and shook his head, "You'll do what?"

"Try to set you guys up." Wes said slowly, looking up from his phone, "Is that a problem? You seem to want that."

"You're trying to set me up with someone else?"

"Uh, yeah. I just said that. Why?" Wes frowned.

"It's just….We dated, so I figured you'd want me to be miserable." David shrugged.

"No, I don't want you to be miserable." Wes shook his head, chuckling, "I may be your ex boyfriend, but I'm not an asshole."

"Sorry." David mumbled, taking another sip of coffee.

Wes was silent for a few minutes, "He said he'd meet us at a restaurant somewhere. Want to go?"

"I'd love to." David shrugged and stood up, walking toward the door to his room, "I'll go get dressed."

* * *

"Hey, it's Wes." Ian grinned.

David shrank back behind Josh, who moved out of the way so he could see Ian clearly. When Ian's eyes caught David's, a small smirk appeared on Ian's lips. David ducked behind Josh and whispered something in his ear to avoid looking at Ian.

"Stop being such a baby." Josh pushed David out in front of him, "He's not a schoolgirl crush, he's a potential sleeping partner."

"Shut up." David mumbled, "Just let me be. I can handle this on my own."

Wes pulled Josh over to talk to him, and David closed his eyes, mentally groaning. That only meant one thing-

"Hey stranger." Ian crossed his arms.

"Hey, Ian." David smiled at him.

The only reason David was worried to be left alone with Ian was that he was scared he'd say something idiotic and look like a total jackass in front of his hero. He smoothed his shirt out and looked at him, trying to be as impressive as possible, and totally failing at it too.

"You look nice today." Ian smiled.

It wasn't a creepy smile, and it sure as hell didn't look like a mean smile either. It seemed that Wes was right, that Ian would be better the second time around.

"Thanks." David's gaze dropped to the floor nervously, trying not to turn red.

"Well, I wouldn't lie to you."

"You look nice too. It's weird to see you not dressed up in boxing clothes."

Ian had on a nice light blue plaid button down, and he looked great.

"Have you ever been here before?" David asked, trying to make conversation as they sat down.

"Yeah, actually." Ian nodded, "I have. I used to come here a lot with my parents when I we first moved here."

"You moved from California, right?"

"Right." Ian looked at him, "Have you been here your whole life?"

"Ever since I was born." David rolled his eyes, taking a sip of his drink, "It's been nice, but I'm pretty done with it. I want to go to a bigger town, but I love it here too."

"I like the small town. It's nice and cozy, and everyone seems to know everyone." Ian shrugged, "It's nice."

David nodded, looking around the building, "Yeah, it is really nice here."

The food arrived and David began talking to Josh more just to clear his head. After they had finished eating, Ian grabbed David's attention.

"Are you going to continue working at the gym?"

David turned to him and nodded, hoping this would be an apology, even if it was months late, "Yeah, I am. Why?"

"I like the way you challenged me." Ian looked at him curiously, "You knew my every move, and you countered a majority of them easily just because you knew where I was going without even knowing how to box."

David shrugged, "I study your movements a lot."

"I think it would be good if you continued to train with me. I need someone who knows the way I move, because most of my opponents don't know. I need to better myself."

"That sounds great." David smiled, "I'd love to."

"Great." Ian smiled, "We'll make a great team."


	3. Brainy

**i'm so sorry this is so late i didn't have the file on the computer when i went to california so i had to write it in two different places and then put them together sorry friends**

* * *

Brainy

"So, now what?"

"Now, we wait."

"Why the hell would we wait?"

"Shut up." Josh hissed, "We're waiting."

"I don't think that was a good-"

_Bing!_

"Oh my god is that him?" David snatched his phone out of Josh's hands, "Please tell me that was him."

"It wasn't." Josh chuckled, "It was just your mom asking about how you've been because she hasn't heard from you in months."

"Oh." David sighed, a little downhearted until he heard another noise and stared down at his phone screen.

It had been two weeks since the lunch with Ian, and the two still continued to talk, but mostly about boxing and nothing else. David wanted to know Ian better personally, mostly because he had become a lot nicer. Way smarter than he thought too.

'Of course. How does dinner tomorrow sound?'

David felt his heart stop.

It literally just came to a complete stop.

Okay, maybe not literally, but he definitely felt it start pumping faster, so kind of the exact opposite of stopping.

"Oh my god." Josh smiled, "We did it!"

"You did it…." David shook his head.

"I can't believe I actually landed you a date."

David blinked, "That's not just any date."

"No, it's not." Josh sighed.

"You landed me a date with Ian fucking Hecox." David breathed.

"I know. Who's the best?"

"You're the best." David smiled, "I owe you something now, and I know just what to do about it."

"I hate that smile." Josh frowned, "I know you're up to something."

"Well, as of five minutes ago, when you told me you were going to text Ian about a date or something, I decided that I should land you one, but I ended up getting you the next best thing."

"Which is?"

"An interview."

"An interview is not the next best thing to a date. How'd you get it anyway? I've had your phone."

"It is if you're head over heels for the interviewer. I emailed him." David held up his laptop.

"Hey, I-" Josh paused mid-sentence and narrowed his eyes at David, "Fuck you. You did not."

"I totally did."

"Is he even gay? There's no way he is…." Josh mumbled.

"Do you see what he wears? Dude's gotta be a little gay." David grinned.

Josh looked at him, "You're hella gay and you wear straight man's clothes."

"There's no difference, they're just clothes. I was just making a joke. People should wear what they're comfortable in. If a guy is comfortable in a dress, fucking own that dress like you were made to wear it. Just be comfortable." David grabbed a chip from the bag in between them, "But let me tell you, there's no way Padilla is comfortable in what he wears. Have you seen how tight those jeans are? I can only imagine how hard it is to breath in those things. Like really."

"Oh, shut up." Josh rolled his eyes, "It's hot. You can see his-" He paused, "I didn't say that. I wasn't going to say what you think."

David smiled, "Oh, Anthony, your jeans are so tight, just like your ass….I can see your perfect little dick through the folds that aren't in the fabric because it's so fucking stretched out, just like you'll be tonight when I-"

"Sssssstttttttoooooooopppppp…." Josh groaned, "God, you are just awful!"

David laughed, "Don't deny that it's your every thought."

"Weren't you in to Anthony?"

"Nah, I wanted to fuck him though." David shrugged, "But now, not so much."

"Well of course not." Josh shook his head, polishing off the bag of chips, "You've got Ian now. He totally agreed to that date, and you two will totally end up fucking."

"I don't think we'll take it that far on the first night, you know?" David shrugged, "Plus, Ian's not going to make it into that fancy tournament again because our city isn't big enough. We're only off by a hundred people or so. He can't go to it, so we'll have some time to settle down peacefully, if we end up going on more dates."

"I sure hope you guys do end up going on more dates. You two were made for each other."

"Well, I wouldn't say we were made for each other." David frowned, "But I definitely think we have some chemistry."

"Oh no, you two were made for each other." Josh nodded, "You were made to worship Ian, and Ian was made to be worshipped by you. He'll probably worship your body if you're in to that kind of thing too."

"Don't say that." David couldn't help but smile, "And no, I'm not really in to that. Surprisingly enough."

"Well with the way you talk about Ian…." Josh shrugged, "I feel like you're the kind of guy who just holds their hands and cuddles them and whispers sweet words and tells them how perfect they are."

David nodded, "That sounds about right. Ask Wes."

Josh made a face, "Really?"

"Yeah. Really. He'd know all about it."

"So you haven't-"

"I'm not blowing off steam with you. I have a date with Ian tomorrow night. I can't do that to him. Besides, you'll have fun with Anthony tonight."

"Please stay with me the whole time and correct all the stupid things I said." Josh frowned.

"If either of us say anything stupid, you get Anthony to not publish it by sleeping with him, okay?" David raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Josh sighed, "Might as well just call me a whore."

"You're not a whore, but Anthony definitely wants to sleep with you. I can tell." David shrugged, "And please don't tell him anything about my date with Ian."

"I won't."

"The interview is over dinner, so you've got that one going for you."

"You are the best friend ever."

* * *

David sat back and thought about his last date. It had been with Wes. They had gone to a fast food place, so he figured he shouldn't think about that one. He thought farther back to their first date. It was at a nice restaurant, and David had worn a suit. They had been 'going out' for about a month. Basically, they admitted to liking each other and had kissed a few times, but with their busy schedules, neither of them had much time for going on actual dates.

He didn't want to dive too deep in his past with Wes, but he figured he deserved to indulge himself in a flashback.

_"You look awesome." Wes smiled at David._

_"Don't say that. I look ridiculous." David chuckled, playing with the buttons on his suit._

_"Yeah right." Wes stole a kiss and straightened David's tie, "You look amazing. I kinda just want to tear your clothes off right now."_

_David punched his ribs playfully, "Don't say that out loud!"_

_Wes chuckled, "Should I save it for the bedroom?"_

_"Yes." David nodded._

_They ate their meal, talking about whatever they fancied. David enjoyed himself, and he could tell Wes had too. Wes drove David back to his house and did tear his clothes off, just like he had promised, and David loved every minute of it. It was hot and heavy and he loved watching Wes roll off him and onto the bed next to him._

_When they were done, David laughed. He didn't know why, but he had just enjoyed himself so much and he had been so scared he'd hate it that he laughed. Wes chuckled too, and soon, he was back on top of David, kissing him._

David sighed and decided to think about how he wanted it to go down with Ian. He wasn't sure if he wanted sex on the first date, but he definitely wanted to be kissed. He wanted Ian to ask him to be his boyfriend. That was his main goal: to get Ian as his boyfriend.

The thought was almost instant. He knew he wanted it more than anything. He had always wanted it, but now he _wanted_ it. Ian was perfect in David's eyes. and he wanted to know what it felt like to have a perfect boyfriend.

More importantly, he wanted to know what it felt like to have Ian as his perfect boyfriend. Not just any boy. Ian Hecox. He started going over a list of things to make sure he was prepared for this.

He knew he needed lots of sleep so he wasn't yawning while Ian was talking. He didn't want Ian to think he was bored. He needed to be hydrated - but not so much that he had to leave to go to the restroom. He needed to be fed enough that he didn't look like a pig.

"David." Josh snapped his fingers.

David jolted, "What? What's going on?"

"Nothing. You just zoned out." Josh shrugged, "Anyway, you sit tight. I'm going to go take a shower so that I look and smell as best as I can for Anthony."

David waved a hand, "Whatever. Go do that. I'll shower when you're done."

"Ian might be there, you know." Josh stood up, "I bet he will. He and Anthony are best friends. He'll probably show up, even if it's just for a few seconds. And then, when he sees you, he'll want to stay and stare at you and your body."

"So then what should I wear?"

Josh frowned and shrugged, "I don't know. We'll see when we're both done showering."

* * *

David sighed and turned the water off, instantly getting hit with a wave of cold air. He grabbed a towel and dried himself off before heading into Josh's room.

He stopped, "Wow. You look nice. That's new. Joshua Fancy-shire or something. That was really lame, sorry."

"Don't feel bad. It doesn't matter. It's fine." Josh rolled his eyes, "You're just a huge loser, and I'm sure that's why Ian is so in to you."

"We don't know if he's in to me or not." David sighed, "But I sure as hell hope he is."

Josh put David in several different shirts before he settled with a light blue button up. They both liked the way it looked on him, so they decided that was the shirt for tomorrow. The second best was just a regular old tee shirt. David wasn't exactly sure if he looked good or not. He wasn't sure if he ever looked good, but he was glad that Josh thought so, because it meant that Ian probably would too.

* * *

"Hey, Anthony, is it okay if I-"

David froze up and stopped mid-sentence.

Ian had poked his head in the door, but he had stopped and was staring at David. David was terrified. Ian was watching his every move, which, at this point, was only breathing because he was too nervous to do anything. He smiled weakly, but he was sure he looked stupid.

"Hello, David." Ian nodded at him once before looking back at Anthony, "I was wondering if we could do dinner tonight."

David's heart sank.

"No, I told you, I'm busy tonight. I have dinner with these guys."

"So….no platonic man date Monday?" Ian raised an eyebrow.

"No platonic man date Monday." Anthony chuckled, "Sorry, Ian. I wish we could. Maybe next Monday?"

"Maybe next Monday." Ian nodded, "Definitely. Unless…." He looked at David for a fleeting second before looking away, "Unless something else decides to come up."

David looked down at his feet for a second, and then his crotch, to make sure nothing was going on there. He was a little embarrassed that he was so nervous, but he was.

As Anthony was fumbling through his camera bag for something to give Ian, Ian looked over at David, "We still on for tomorrow?"

David looked up at him and nodded slowly, "Absolutely. Wouldn't miss it for the world."

_Wouldn't miss it for the world?_

_What the hell was that?_

"Awesome. See you then." Ian pocketed whatever Anthony gave him and gave David a short wave goodbye before heading out the door.

"So, Mr...?" Anthony looked up from his notepad, "What should I call you?"

"Me?" David raised an eyebrow, "David is fine. Lasercorn works too. Lasercorn would make more sense, wouldn't it? This is about boxing, right?

"Yes, this is about boxing." He nodded, "What is your real name? That is, if you don't mind me asking. I know it, don't worry. I just know that not everyone who'll read this knows."

"I don't mind." David shook his head, "My name is David Moss."

"Your mother makes excellent casserole." Anthony smiled, "I had surgery on my nose a few weeks ago and she made me some."

David nodded, "Yeah, she's great."

"Anyway, what's the deal with Ian?"

"He's perfect." David replied, "I had the honor of meeting him a while back. A few friends got together for lunch and he was invited."

"Sounds nice." He turned the recorder off, "This is off the record, but the way. So, rumor has it you two have a date..."

David glared at Josh.

"No, no." Anthony shook his head, "Ian told me. I was there with him when it happened, actually. That was a very sweet text of you."

David turned red.

"I believe it said, 'Hey, Ian. I hate to bother you but I'm really in to you and I was wondering if there's any way we could have dinner together sometime soon. Tomorrow night works for me, but I'm free all week, I'd just have to leave early because of my show.'" Anthony read off his phone.

David nodded, "Yeah. That's it."

"I thought it was nice. He should be honored."

David picked at his food, "Thanks."

"Of course, he's very excited about it."

"He is?" David's eyes lit up.

"Yeah, he's really excited about it. He hasn't stopped talking about it since he got the text. He's probably at home freaking out right now over what to wear." Anthony chuckled, "He's honestly excited, David. I don't see why he wouldn't be. You practically worship him."

David shrugged, looking down.

"Its not fair that David gets all the dates." Josh frowned, "I don't have a boyfriend."

"You don't?" Anthony eyed him, "That's odd. I don't see why you don't have one. Someone like you should definitely have a boyfriend."

Josh blushed, "Thanks. Someone like you should too. I mean - have a girlfriend, not a boyfriend. Or a boyfriend, if you swing that way. I don't know which way you swing. Either one is okay with me. You should just have someone groveling over you the way Lasercorn here does with Ian." He nervously gave David a pat on the back.

David rolled his eyes, looking at Anthony, "Be gentle tonight, okay?" He dropped his fork on the plate and winked before getting up and leaving.

* * *

"It's a beautiful night tonight, Ohio." David ran his finger across a leaf, "Nice and peaceful. With the exception of a man wandering the park by himself, talking into his headset and touching the plants. He's a little crazy, and he's a little anxious. He's got a date tomorrow, and he's not sure what to so about it. That's right. I've got a date. Suck it bitches." He chuckled, "Actually, don't suck it. That'll be my date's job. Joke! That was a joke. I don't want feminists down my throat about that one. It was just a joke. I don't think that women are obligated to be sexual pleasures for men. Here, feminists..." He pulled up his tablet, "Here's a song just for you guys. About women. And how they're under appreciated or whatever. Just A Girl by No Doubt. Let Gwen Stefani's sweet voice preach to you."

He looked across the park while the song played. He sat down at a bench by himself and checked his phone. There were dozens of messages from Josh about how nervous he was. 'Help me! I'm scared to be alone with him. I'm scared I'll mess up.' 'He liked my interview!' 'David oh my gosh' 'David buddy' 'You'll never believe what just happened.' 'Anthony's taking me home with him!' 'We just made out oh my god David he went to the other room to get his bed ready.' 'Wish me luck!'

David made a face as they got to the end. He could've lived his life without knowing that Josh and Anthony were fucking. In fact, he would've loved to have lived his life without knowing that. He was only joking earlier about them doing that.

"And that was Gwen Stefani making sweet love with your ear drums. Well, technically it was all of No Doubt, but everyone really focuses on her, right?" David shrugged, "Anyway, I can definitely take some calls if anyone wants to do that. I can also take song requests. And to whoever requests online the song 'Faithless the Wonderboy...' I understand that you want to hear that song. I play it at least once a week, sometimes twice. I get that you love that song, and believe me, I do too, but calm down. Here's...uh...ooh, how about some of my personal favorite band?"

He played The Beastie Boys and checked his phone. He hadn't received any messages from Josh or Anthony, which he was thankful for.

After the first few calls, which were all just song requests, he got an actual call.

"Hello."

David couldn't see him, but he could tell Josh was smirking.

"Hello." David narrowed his eyes, "What do you want?"

"That's no way to treat a caller, Lasercorn."

"I know it's you, Josh. I'd know that voice anywhere honestly."

"Whatever. I just came here to ask for advice."

"About what?"

"Life. Men. Sex."

"What about those things?"

"What would happen if I...hypothetically...knocked my partner out during sex?"

"You _WHAT_?" David's eyes widened, "What the hell did you do?"

"I don't know! We both, you know, climaxed, and they kind of stopped moving. They're still breathing, but they're not waking up."

"You killed him?!"

"He's not dead!"

"Josh, relax." Came another voice, "It's fine. I'm fine. See?"

"It's okay." Josh said, sighing, "He's okay."

"Are you on David's show?"

"Yeah." Josh answered.

"Are we done now?" David sighed.

"Hey, world. This is Anthony Padilla." Anthony had Josh's phone, "And I just wanted to say that I'm with Joshua now, so if you don't like that, that's your problem."

David ran his fingers through his hair, "Now are we done?"

"Can I request I Just Had Sex by The Lonely Island?" Anthony chuckled.


End file.
